David Firth

This is kind of funny, but he needs to bring back the creep stuff.

Juggalo furries..

Yep… I knew these people had to be out there somewhere…

 

Corky’s fine, but what’s with the other 2 asshole creeps?

Great contribution to our race…

…bettering the world with each clap…

Computers are hard…

I’ve got a shit ton of wordpress accounts right now… I’ve got three for work and this one. My computer can’t keep all the passwords straight, and I’m certainly not going to be able to do it. Computers are hard. It’s especially hard because I don’t want there to be any way to track my work-related wordpress blogs back to to this one (for obvious reasons).

Anyway, I miss you all. I was looking for the cakefarts post, so I went through all the old posts to find it. The problem is, it was never a post. But in the process, I read a year and a half of posts. My sailboat, hunting, positive pregnancy test, Derek, poetry, metal, falling through ceilings – it made me tear up a bit. It’s been a formative 19 months of Hardlessons. It’s the journey, not the destination.

So, in tribute to Hardlessons… cakefarts.

Let’s get this done.

The Lumberjack

user reviews

LICEMEISTER PUBIC COMB
 Five Stars
I live in Amarillo, and I got crabs from my b/f. It gets pretty hot here and the itching was driving me crazy! I bought this product and it solved my problem. I have even turned some people at the nursing home I work at on to this! What a blessing.
MC – December 1, 2008

ANAL BLEACHING CREAM
 Five Stars
WOW!! My boyfriend and I love this stuff. You’ll see a difference really fast. Make sure to just use a little and keep it on for just a few minutes. If you leave it on longer, it can sting just a little. Overall its great!
LB – October 12, 2008

LIQUID VIRGIN TIGHTENING LUBRICANT
 Five Stars
Omg things were totally dragging in the bed room, but these drops seriously helped my sex life, my boyfriend noticed something was different and he loved it, needless to say he is now my fiance…..!!!! totally recommend!!! He will notice! Don’t apply too much, beware you might be too tight, this just shows you how well the product works!! a million stars!

I’m on a mission from Allah

Dudes,

I was lost. Drugged up (two Advil). Drunk (three $10 beers). I had a vision. Suddenly there was a white light. I couldn’t feel my arms. My legs wouldn’t stand.  My balls hurt like Derek’s after a night with Lauren.

I couldn’t see anything but a white, piercing light. I heard a voice. It said, “get off the hotel lawn.” Then I heard another voice. It said, “get the band back together.”

I was confused.

I screamed into the darkness, “What band?”

The voice replied, “Drunk Derek and the Big Titty Car Wash.”

Then there was silence.

Then the voice said, “I said, Drunk Derek and the Big Titty Car Wash. Are you Retarded? Do you want my son Timothy to come down there and show you how to make a band?”

I screamed into the night, “we broke up. It wasn’t right. We wanted to see other people. We needed to grow on our own.”

The voice said, “get the band back together, and save the world.”

I said, “I don’t think Derek will agree to it. He’s had sex now. He has no reason for singing about sperm or oranges.”

Then I felt a heal of a mighty boot on my balls. I winced in pain.

There was a whisper in my ear, “get the band back together.”

It was sexy. My nipples were hard.

I must have passed out after that. I woke up later on the floor of some Russian guy’s bathroom, but I’m pretty sure it was unrelated.

Long story short, god told me to get the band back together. There’s some orphanage that needs saving… bla bla bla bla…

Food for thought.

This is pretty entertaining

A Poem