I’m on a mission from Allah

Dudes,

I was lost. Drugged up (two Advil). Drunk (three $10 beers). I had a vision. Suddenly there was a white light. I couldn’t feel my arms. My legs wouldn’t stand.  My balls hurt like Derek’s after a night with Lauren.

I couldn’t see anything but a white, piercing light. I heard a voice. It said, “get off the hotel lawn.” Then I heard another voice. It said, “get the band back together.”

I was confused.

I screamed into the darkness, “What band?”

The voice replied, “Drunk Derek and the Big Titty Car Wash.”

Then there was silence.

Then the voice said, “I said, Drunk Derek and the Big Titty Car Wash. Are you Retarded? Do you want my son Timothy to come down there and show you how to make a band?”

I screamed into the night, “we broke up. It wasn’t right. We wanted to see other people. We needed to grow on our own.”

The voice said, “get the band back together, and save the world.”

I said, “I don’t think Derek will agree to it. He’s had sex now. He has no reason for singing about sperm or oranges.”

Then I felt a heal of a mighty boot on my balls. I winced in pain.

There was a whisper in my ear, “get the band back together.”

It was sexy. My nipples were hard.

I must have passed out after that. I woke up later on the floor of some Russian guy’s bathroom, but I’m pretty sure it was unrelated.

Long story short, god told me to get the band back together. There’s some orphanage that needs saving… bla bla bla bla…

Food for thought.

Fedor

This guy is crazy.

I’ve actually been watching this MMA/UFC shit on tv more than I’d like to admit, these past couple of months.  It’s great to have on while I’m feeding the baby.

Any of you douches watch this too?

This is pretty entertaining

We are not alone

Check out this creep:

http://hardlessons.blogspot.com/

Good thing we’re not creepy here.

time for a new career

For nine years, Sharron Thornton could see only shadows. But over the Labor Day weekend, when doctors at Miami’s Bascom Palmer Eye Institute removed the bandages from her eye, she could see their faces.

She regained her vision following a rare procedure — completed in several steps over six months — in which surgeons removed one of her teeth, drilled a hole in it, inserted a plastic lens into the hole and implanted the tooth-lens combination into her eye. It’s the first such operation in the United States, they said.

Thornton now has 20/70 vision, and can recognize faces and read a newspaper with a magnifying glass. She should get better vision once she is fully healed and fitted with glasses, doctors say.

Thornton, 60, knows exactly what she wants to do when she gets back home to Smithdale, Miss., pop. 2,034, in a week or two: “Play cards. Watch TV. Play with my grandbabies. I have seven new grandbabies since I was able to see.”

Thornton lost her vision nine years ago to Stevens-Johnson Syndrome, a severe allergic reaction to medication that blistered and scarred her cornea, the dome-shaped part of the eye that covers the iris and pupil. She wasn’t a candidate for a corneal transplant or an artificial plastic lens because the eye was too badly damaged, said Dr. Victor Perez, lead surgeon in the operation and cornea specialist at Bascom Palmer, where the procedure was performed.

A stem cell procedure attempted six years ago at Bascom Palmer also failed.

About a year ago, Thornton was referred to Perez, who also is an associate professor of ophthalmology at the University of Miami Miller Medical School, for what he calls a “procedure of last resort.” He had recently trained in Rome under Italian ophthalmologist Giancarlo Falcinelli, who had developed a modified version of the tooth-lens procedure invented by another Italian doctor, Benedeteo Strampelli.

Strampelli developed the procedure in 1963, but it didn’t catch on for decades because of serious complications, at one point including the tooth-lens combination falling out of a patient’s eye. But with Falcinelli’s modification, the procedure is spreading in Europe and Japan, and, now, in the United States. In Ireland, a worker’s sight was restored after his cornea was destroyed by red-hot liquid aluminum in an explosion at a recycling plant.

Perez estimated there are 200 or more patients in the U.S. who can be helped by the surgery.

A tooth is used, Perez said, because it provides a stable, living platform of tooth, bone and cartilage that can remain alive, get nutrition from the eye and grow into a single piece with the cornea.

Thornton says she was shocked when Perez told her what he wanted to do: “Who in the world would take a tooth out of your mouth and put it in your eye?” she asked.

Read more at MiamiHerald.com

Sky burial

I found some great pictures of a Tibetan sky burial. I have read quite a bit about it but usually there are pretty heavy restrictions about photography, so up until now, I hadn’t seen much in the way of photos. Maybe this was a little more lax because it wasn’t in a Buddhist temple.

Cottontail codpiece- UNNNNGHHUHHHGH, so soft

I’ve been tanning a rabbit hide that I inherited from Mr. Walkway’s freezer. It was the first one I’ve attempted, so it was definitely a test run. I salted it and went through the chemical-treatment process twice (which is called “poisoning” in the taxidermy books I have). The hide dried out really quickly, which isn’t surprising. It came from a cottontail that was field-dressed, so it was skinned without having any eventual use for the fur in mind. Also, I recently learned that rabbits have really thin hide to begin with, so they’re generally not good for just starting out with tanning/mounting, etc.
So, anyhow, I have been mulling over what to do with the hide once I got it to the desired softness. So I just started sewing it up today, inside out like you might sew a pillow. The result is something that is a perfectly shaped codpiece. I had thought jokingly of that previously, but after patching the holes, and trimming the parts of hide that weren’t usable, it worked out pretty nicely.
The hide itself is beautiful, and I tried it on (that’s the tail on top). It’s super-comfortable and perfectly-shaped. I think I am going to get some straps so it’s actually wearable, though I don’t know when I’d ever actually wear it. It is sure to get me kicked out and probably arrested anywhere it appears in public.
Squirrel season starts October 2nd, so I’m going to try for a mount next time.

God doesn’t love you.

He’s actually a huge creep and a dick (mainly if you’re a fish, in this case).
http://io9.com/5357663/tongue%20eating-parasites-attack-fish-near-normandy

Hoarders

Holy shit… have you guys ever seen this show?

http://www.aetv.com/hoarders/

There’s been a marathon of this tonight. I’ve been watching it all and drinking beers and getting really creeped out. These folks are nuts beyond belief. I think you can watch episodes online if you’re interested in seeing some people living in seriously goddamn filthy conditions.

Can’t remember if I posted this or not.

I’m glad someone is taking care of it, but if this cat got on my bed during the night and woke me up, I’d probably shit all over the goddamn place.