Soulmates
Thirty three years and 300 days ago, hardlessons was born in a small town in Wisconsin. On the exact same day, someplace else, his soulmate was born. Now he wants to touch her.
Guess what I found out today. Kari Byron and I are the exact same age. We were both born on 12/18/1974. Do you know what that means? The hunch that I’ve always harbored that her and I shared some perfect bond has been confirmed. 
Also, her artwork looks remarkably like my sister’s… Somehow in my mind, that confirms it. It’s not only a coincidental chronological bond, it’s mentally genetic somehow…
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Make it happen, sex commando. Look deep into her eyes and ask her to fart on a cake. She will not be able to escape the sperm web you weave for her.