Hardlesson… again and again…

So I seem to keep attempting to learn this hard lesson over and over again. I do not know where to draw lines. I’ve finally figured out why. It’s usually due to one or more of the following: a) I’m drunk, b) I want people to like me, c) I think cynical tongue-in-cheek commentary is always appropriate. What I fail to realize is a) I’m drunk, b) most people don’t give a fuck, c) my tongue-in-cheek commentary is often not funny. It’s like I’m constantly relearning that throwing bricks at the girl you like is not going to get you a girlfriend.

Here is the most recent hard lesson… I used to write for a blog that was related to my profession. Technically I’m still one of their writers, but I haven’t posted for a couple months. In one of the last posts I made I mentioned that another campus within the same institution has far more personnel and they deal with the same amount of students. I did it in what I thought was a sort of sarcastic way calling our campus the forgotten “stepchild”. When I wrote that a couple of months ago, no one cared. I didn’t even think anyone was reading the blog. Well in the months since, the institution I work for as a whole has hit a rough patch financially. The campus that I indicated was living high on the hog was none too pleased that I had painted them in such a manner (on account of I pointed out that they have 13 professionals serving the same number of students my campus serves with 2). Long story short, it all got back to me via my boss. Long story shorter, I’m also trying to apply for a better job within the same institution and I probably just shot myself in the foot and dick.

Luckily, I’m still able to edit all my old posts and I took out the nasty bits. Still, I think the damage has been done. Notice I’m not providing any links… the last thing I need is for someone to be able to trackback me to this festering pile of donkey dicks. Anonymity has its perks.

So here’s a list of things that I thought were funny that probably hurt my professional self. Let’s consider this the list of hardlessons that I still haven’t learned:

1) Flooding the locker room and trying to “surf” on the kickboards after swim practice in 1992 = apparently not a good idea.

2) Asking a girl who just wrecked her car if she wanted a picture with it when I was a newspaper reporter in 1995 = not appropriate.

3) Rollerskating through the UW library in short shorts when I worked there in 1996 = apparently not funny.

4) Leaving my boss a pile of pictures of me in a speedo, posing on his desk, on my last day at work in 1998 = apparently disgusting and taken completely out of context.

5) Telling my class, on September 12, 2001, that what has happened has nothing to do with what they’re supposed to be doing, so “lets get to work on the next assignment.” = apparently short-sighted.

6) Writing a drunken manifesto calling out bullshit in conceptual art and submitting it as my artist’s statement for my thesis show in 2004 = apparently not appreciated by out-of-area member of thesis committee (it also wasn’t very good).

7) Assembling super-awesome drunken sculpture/installation of frame scraps in graduate art studio while helping a friend build frames for his graduate show in 2006 = apparently a fire hazard and not cool.

Encouraging said friend while he nailed an upside-down cross to the door of a douche bag’s studio on the same night = apparently insensitive to the douche bag’s religious beliefs and totally out of line. (“what if his parents found out”).

9) Attempting to nail a jabba-the-hutish thing’s studio door shut with an air nailer on the same night = apparently dangerous and threatening. I  also was accused of stealing a picture which showed the studio occupant in the bathtub. I didn’t take the photo and I have serious doubts if such a picture even exists. I have a hard time believing  she can fit into a bathtub.

Now this whole thing with the blog…. I can’t decide if I’m stupid or if everyone else just doesn’t have a fucking sense of humor.

I don’t even know anymore….

Compare and contrast.

Go… compare this:

with this:

They’re both from the same week. Why is this race even close?

So cute…

Your dirty sex makes god send hurricanes!

Tard Fights

My dad got his glasses broken by one of the female retards at the group home.  I guess she was hitting some of the other guys and a fight broke out.  My dad stepped in to break it up and she knocked his glasses off – then crushed them (stepped on them)…she later apologized and my dad is going to get a new pair of glasses for free.

I guess the group home got to go to a demolition derby a couple of days ago…sounds like a pretty good life.

I clicked on the video because I liked the title,

then I completely forgot what the hell it was about when the HOT BRITISH GIRL STARTED TALKING. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH HOT HOT HOTTY HOT HOT TALK HOT KISS HOT HOT BLAH BLAH TASTE YOUR OWN LIPS HOT TALK TALK SPAGETT!!!!!!!!!

http://www.reuters.com/news/video?videoId=92767

I pissith against the wall…

I wish this were a joke, but it isn’t. I can’t even figure out what this guy is saying…

Big ups to AZ!

So, in most of the polls I look at Arizona is never considered. Why? I always thought that the pollsters believed that Arizona was in the sack for McCain, since it is the state he represents in the senate. For the last couple of weeks, I thought Arizona may surprise a  few people on election day. Here’s something I found on the Daily Kos…

AZ-Pres: Hold on to your hats!

by kos

Sat Oct 25, 2008 at 04:23:38 PM PDT

Myers Research (D) & Grove Insight (D). 10/23-24. Likely voters. MoE 4% (No trend lines)

Likely voters

McCain (R) 44
Obama (D) 40

Early voters (34% of the sample)

McCain (R) 46
Obama (D) 47

The sample was 40 percent Republican, 33 Democratic, and 26 percent independent. ASU has its own survey coming Monday, and they’ve hinted at similar results. Makes me wish I would’ve polled Arizona instead of Tennessee.

Yep… Wouldn’t it be awesome if AZ went blue… What a “fuck you” that would be to the McCain campaign.

Who’da thunk it….

Who would have guessed that a former Alaska beauty queen (runner up), fundamentalist christian, with most of a bachelors degree, who has been consistently criticized for firing those who disagreed with her while hiring all her friends, would be described thusly:

“She is a diva. She takes no advice from anyone,” said this McCain adviser. “She does not have any relationships of trust with any of us, her family or anyone else.

“Also, she is playing for her own future and sees herself as the next leader of the party. Remember: Divas trust only unto themselves, as they see themselves as the beginning and end of all wisdom.”

This is a McCain campaign adviser describing Palin taking matters into her own hands and “going rogue.“

Bi-partisan? Reaching across the aisle? My ass! Their campaign can’t even get along. Of course I still have fears about them bulling some bullshit at the end, but they are starting to fade. I think it’s going to be funny to see the campaign, and the party, implode.

bitch i ride the marta bus! oh and the train as well.

it may take me a while to explain this.

i’m really not the best story teller.

transfer at five points.

east bound to king memorial station.

this is where i saddle up on that cheezer called #32.

what wonderful things a see everyday.

such a beautiful chance to take in the humans.

i love it.

i do.

so i wait for #32 on this monday in october.

while i stand thinking about the defender dvd i recieved as a gift………..

a lady with the wild eye walks my way.

i don’t mean wild eye like she is looking for a donkey ride.

it’s more like the eye of a pro gazing through crazy vision goggles.

she has a smaller towel or something like a towel around her waist.

she is clutching this with a serious grip.

a hurricane could not blow this thing off.

as we wait for the bus she is standing with her back to me.

there is a pretty large wet brown soaked patch on her clothing.

she did have shorts on under the towel.

this wet spot is quite large and creeps up her back.

her legs however are clean.

i’m thinking peepoo is what hit her with no warning.

it didn’t take but a few seconds for me to step back and continue waiting in a different spot.

she made her way to the other side of the driveway where the buses pull in.

i kind of forgot about her really.

about this time a see #32 humping on around the corner.

it is also about the same time a load of #32 regulars make their way off the train.

so we all fall in line to get a good seat on the bus.

i grabbed a seat in the back where i usually sit.

my window is open.

i close it.

then i realize that the bus smells funny.

i opened my window back up to get some fresh air going.

this little switch clicked in my soft brain.

it’s the turd water on that lady that i am breathing in.

i see her sitting about four seats back up front.

around the same time people are starting raise a ruckus.

she is getting clowned super hard.

teen passengers are yelling things like “she got the loose booty”

and “she done shit on herself”.

occasionally she looks back with this wild look.

she is mumbling to herself and shifting in her seat.

all this moving around in the seat is making things worse.

i got out my phone to call home.

my plan was to get off of the bus and catch the next one.

i wanted to let my folk know that i might be a few minutes late.

it’s bad yall.

i mean bad bad.

the dooky flukes were hitting the air with a plan of bacterial combat.

before i could get out of my seat the bus driver gets back in and we are off.

the over all mood of bus riders is sort one of “ooooo she so damn nasty”.

i agreed.

she was so damn nasty.

but she was also clearly crazy.

all of the shit people were yelling could upset this gal.

i don’t ever really chat with people on the bus.

but this was a special chance for me to get to know my fellow riders.

i ask the few people next to me to maybe not make fun of her.

they looked at me kind a like i was a stupid or something.

so i explained that she could get angry and fling that towel off of her waist.

i said that if i get any of her wet turds on me i would be very upset.

this made sense.

they had the look of oh my damn he is right.

the jokes died down a little.

i really think that people were too distracted to do anything.

faces were getting covered up and noses were being pinched.

i’m not kidding when i say that old ladies were riding with their heads out the windows.

it must have looked really funny.

my head was out of the window for sure.

not long after we left the curb the bus driver knew what was happening.

he didn’t stop or anything though.

just kept on trucking.

i’m not really sure what he could have done.

25 minutes or so later she is still on the bus and i was at my stop.

you might imagine how thrilled i was to get off of #32.

so there you are.

that is my story for you.

diarrhea will and does happen.

it’s no joke.

big d is the untimate crippler.

it will strike you with no warning.

be safe friends.

Lessons of Darkness